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A choice to love


Family dynamics are ever changing. Some relationships don’t work, and as hard as the change can be to accept, blended families are becoming more popular and better recieved in our society. Stepparents are becoming more of a reality and less of a fear as portrayed by Cinderella.
This is my reality.
My mother remarried when I was 27 and pregnant with my last child. Already grown, married and raising a family on my own, I thought the need for a father was behind me.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
In many cases, a stepfather is just someone your mother marries after your parents’ divorce. You belong to your mom and his children belong to him. It’s a marriage, but not a family. Everything is split right down the middle. But, sometimes, and in my case, something amazing happens.
My mom found someone that not only loves her, but me and my children as well.
Suddenly the void of a father was clear. Fathers don’t always have to be blood and in my case, blood is not always thicker than water.
While I don’t call him dad, and refer to him always by his first name, when it boils down it, he is just that.
I truly believe that stepfathers are heaven sent. How else could they take on the baggage of a child and grandchildren that they did not help in creating??How else could they take on someone else’s plate that had been left behind?
Truth is, the great ones, mine, didn’t do it on purpose.
He never made a conscious decision to replace what I biologically had, even though biological is as far as my actual father’s position goes. What he did do was fill a void in my mother’s, mine, and my children’s hearts.
He calls my children to congratulate them on their success, he got a subscription to the newspaper I write for, and he shows up for birthdays and sends gifts for Christmas. He comes to sporting events, allows them to talk through the news broadcast, takes them to the grocery store, and leaves pictures they’ve colored on his fridge. He became their “Papa Bob”.
We never have to question our worth around him, he’s never disappointed us, and no matter what time the call comes through, he’s never complained and has always answered it.
I could have created a check list of things I would want in a man for my mother and I would have never gotten close to what he has been to us. I could never have molded a better version.
He doesn’t have to be my ‘real father’ or their real grandfather because he wasn’t put into our lives for that purpose. He was brought into our lives to be family. To love us all unconditionally and to never leave. He was brought into our lives, and stayed, by choice not obligation, and that means so much more.

Jakki Lumax