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New year, less me


For me, January usually brings with it an added case of anxiety. There’s always that “new year, new me” feeling that let’s be honest, usually ends up in failure in the first few weeks. I’ve had every resolution possible planned over the years. From working out more, to learning how to budget, to having more patience, to even cursing less.
This year, however, I’m going about it completely different. My resolution is to be less. Now, hear me out, I understand that sounds like the lazy way out, but it’s a resolution I may actually have the hardest time sticking to.
For the first five years of being a parent, I stayed at home while my husband solely provided for our family. I had time to clean, cook, plan fun outings, conquer Pinterest and so forth. Elf on the shelf and taking months to paint a mural in my children’s bedroom were some of my favourite times. However, in 2017 I decided to return to work and was not about to accept that some other things would have to go to make way for the time commitment that working would demand.
December was a rough month in the Lumax household. We ran from hockey, to gymnastics, to kickboxing, to Jiu Jitsu classes for the children, while they each took their turn being sick, we both worked our own jobs and did our own training while running a business on the side, Christmas parties were attended with store bought treats and the Elf only moved a handful of times before the children could notice. I was a basket case, running around trying to do everything that we used to do. A room renovation was added to the list as a Christmas present and then I decided to become ill myself. My house ended up a complete disaster for the majority of the month, presents were being wrapped on Christmas Eve and the amount of home cooked meals my family received was shameful.
While my friends complimented me on being ‘Wonder Woman’ or ‘Supermom’ I admittedly was that mother in the locked bathroom crumbling at my failures.
So, for 2018, I have decided that my only resolution is to expect less of myself. The chore charts, meal plans, and busy schedule will stay. I will continue to put my whole heart into my job and our business, but the added extras I will not beat myself up about missing. Instead of having a themed movie night every week, my children may have to watch a movie with plain popcorn and juice boxes. I won’t be left sobbing if they take store bought fruit snacks to school every once in awhile instead of homemade ones. I will learn to live with missing some of the extra events that we are invited to. DIY projects will be less often and I may learn if my family has any dust allergies along the way. And, while it may take awhile for them to not think they are living like cavemen, and myself awhile to not feel like I’m letting them down, at the end of the day, peace and patience may be the hidden resolutions that result from this attempt at expecting less and make those special moments even more memorable if they only happen monthly.
Here is to 2018, a brand new year, with a lot less me.

Jakki Lumax